Endless Thoughts.

Currently listening to: Dream Theater - One Last Time

It doesn't make any sense; this tragic ending.
Despite the evidence, there's something still missing ..




I remember the day when I saw her web-camming with that new guy of hers, despite we're staying under the same roof. How the thoughts of him serenading her with his voice, and guitar. How he had managed to make her smile.

How he had done the one thing I've lost touch in. How he had captured her heart.

060408.

That was the end for the both of us. Right on the 1 year anniversary benchmark.

I had lost her, partially because of my mistakes, and most of the mistakes I've done.

But I don't regret. Although I knew of this problem being occured, I was happy.

Was happy to see her smile, at least, even if he was making her smile.

Not to say that I had never appreciated her, we did have our fun times. But if she's not happy with me, and she's happy with someone else, why should I have her with me when I cause nothing but grief towards her?

Besides, the feeling - love - is supposed to make you do stupid things for your significant other, and .. random stuff.

The magic died for us for months; so, trying to resurrect that magic, would be nearly impossible as we would be torn by our mistakes from the past; somehow.

And that's what I mean, all the time, to never live with the regrets you have. If you think what you've done at that moment is right, it WILL be right. After all, a decision is made; only due to a fact that something was .. wrong.

That's why I let go of everyone I once loved, go. We're all happier travelling our own paths. Only till a day, if we meet at a crossroad, then let time and fate decide our future.

That is the reason why I decided to let her go. Either I look for someone new, or move on by myself, till that day comes. To find the one, I guess.

For the moment, I'm still contented with whatever I have around me - except for the lack of inspirations to write new materials, or to finish up this stupid unfinished song.

And .. there's no exact definition of the one for me, I suppose. As long as she's true, and there's a you and me regardless of what others think; we'll live in our own little fantasied world.

Honestly, you seemed like the one. But considerations to stay as a guardian is at hand..

Even she was happy that I finally found 'love'. It was really sweet of her to still support me to go for someone new .. But.. I have my own reasons.

Even with the event that just took place, I'm having a serious trust issue against others. It's contradicting, and paranoid of me, but my character stays that way because I was somehow hurt.

.. Can it even be seen or heard when I'm in pain? This'll be interesting.

Definition of pain = being in tears.

No tears were shedded. Maybe the heart turned into stone. I have no idea.

*uses stone as a metronome*




I have to live life with a sword going through me, with every step I make, represents every inch it enters my wounds. Negative approach of how to live life, but as long as everyone else is happy, eventually, the pain will nullify itself.








Shall I sit down with my guitar later on after class? I really want to finish up Break Free. Besides, I can't stand it being incomplete.






And I can't cry over this. Honestly, I can't stand guys crying because they lost their girlfriends. If they're going to cry because they only have 1 sen to live for the next day and have no other ways to increase their financial income - that's a seriously fucked up situation I would commit suicide to. Lol. Besides, I've got only a few friends here in KL, and no family around. I've got my own two feet to stand on, and do you think that anybody's going to pull me up and help me stand? Hell no! Nobody's going to do that for me, but myself.

So be a little bit matured.

Be who you are.