Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Losing Confidence.

I have absolutely no idea why, but I was singing along with the chorus for "Papercut" by, yes, you've got it, Linkin Park.

Now why the random thought of a band I've never heard of in about 10 years?

Thinking back, Hybrid Theory was the first ever original album I bought with my own allowance. I loved the ideas and concepts they had when One Step Closer was on MTV for the first time.

And I still remember it without looking at YouTube.com. Mike Shinoda had spikey red hair, and being American born Japanese, I still think he has extremely good looks for a guy.

Besides that, there's the guitarist who always played with his headphones - which reminds me of that guitarist from Gorillaz. Later during the age of the likes of Eric Johnson and Paul Gilbert, I found out those headphones weren't headphones. They were some sort of a device - ear mufflers - to protect their ears from high pitched frequencies - usually caused by distortion and the guitars they played.

Which is a sad thing. A musician that plays good music to the crowd, but they can't listen to themselves. Only through memories.

It's like a haunting nightmare at some point.

I got a bit off topic as what I've written above has no relation to whatever I had in mind right before I wrote the words "Linkin Park" and "Papercut".

Losing confidence. What does that mean? Oh no. Gee, I wonder.

I was thinking back on my Banking and Financial Institution lectures and tutorials. Imagine me, there. But blank. Idea-less, and just fuckin' stoned.

I have never failed a subject I've never understood. Oh wait, I have. That would be Company Law back in KDU PG. But that's 30% lecturer's fault, and 105% college's fault.

I'm feeling extremely inconfident, and I shouldn't be running around like the fool that I am at this very point of life and start pulling up my socks.

Everytime I do sit down in class and have positive thoughts, it demotivates and depresses me when I feel like I don't learn anything.

It's sad really. I'm not asking for a distinction, but it's a pain in the ass to fail anything at all and retry doing it again.

Fuckin' hell.

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