Thursday, January 8, 2009

Double Edged Sword.

For years in my life, I have made decisions that will cause sacrifices, therefore causing pain to both sides.

Today, I didn't break a heart. But I broke two.

Mine, and yours.

It was tougher than I thought. I never had the thought, until I read. Read what was on your mind. Looks like the one who faces life a lot better in a very wide aspect would be you. You always made the first step, and I always followed. But today, I decided to pull the first step - after you've already done it.

I am truly sorry. I never knew that the easiest way would be the toughest way for the both of us.

"Why did you have to come into my life, and then walk away?"

Why did I even exist.

It's not my fault, only voiced by you. But there's no one else to blame, but me. Because of the thought of the responsibility of taking care of you, and I gladly accepted it, is the reason why I have all rights to blame myself for what happened tonight.

So many words and tears were spoken and shed tonight. It was my first after so long. Now I know how hard it is to live life, to appreciate things and not to take things for granted.

I never regretted one bit of the time we spent during the last few months. But what I know that I will regret, would be my decision today.

The decision that caused pain by using the words of a double edged sword.

I have lost myself. And you're right. I need to find myself. I've been a ghastly figure with a shell for 9 months, and it's still the same. I need to find the person whom I once was.

The one where the spotlight shines for once, at least.

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