The title itself proves that one does not have any willpower to move on in certain aspects in life.
It's also the title of the upcoming song I'm working on, which is probably the most mathematical and confusing piece I've ever written in a single key.
It's all based on feelings, and after I found out what the automation/time signature change button does, I'm finally unleashing all sorts of rhythmic nonsense that made me thought I was wrong as I did not follow a generic metronome.
Not forgetting that a metronome is always in 4/4. I didn't know anything about time, until recently. Took me about 9 years to realise that. Bad?
I'm also on the verge of scrapping the whole idea out because it'll take too long to complete, but if I finish this song, I think it'd be the greatest achievement I've ever done so far with this life of mine in music.
On another note, I also realised that it's a talent to have a vision in music - and improving on how a basic structure of a piece should sound. I never believed in the comments I received from musician-friends and friends who doesn't understand music as in depth as some of us do, but..
I always felt like I'm new to this. Every single note, and chord progression I've written and all sorts of writing, is always different to one another. Of course, there might be a similarity in terms of chord numbers (e.g. 1 5 6 4 and all that?), but..
I don't know. It's hard to explain. As long as the music fits, the right tone is achieved, I should just shut up and do whatever I feel like doing.
But I feel I've been slacking off and taking it easy. Working, finding a job, getting deadlines for music sorted out, all this is starting to get to me. Moreover, to top it off with emotions, I think I have finally begun to lose it.
I feel like.. What I'm doing will lead me to nowhere, and that, in everybody's life, is a real tragedy. I haven't experienced it yet, but if I do, it isn't going to be good at all.
And I wish.. somehow, I just wish.. for things to be alright. Even for the better or the worse, I'll be alright once the truth unfolds. This is probably the toughest stage of my life so far, and I am pretty unsure how more can I hold on.