Back to the Grind.

It's been some crazy 3 weeks that just recently passed. I've been recovering from this mad sickness due to the weather, and I spent the past few weeks preparing for an interview for a possible job (!!), getting my stuff on at the current job, and putting recording on a pause.

I suppose I'm alright physically, but..

Let's not get there now, shall we?

I woke up again, realising that being in bed, being all useless and moping around about trying to restore my health isn't going to do me any good.

3 weeks is a lot of time.

So I decided to give myself a major boot to the arse, and started recording for one of the maddest prog rock tracks I've ever written.

But after having a look at the structure of it, I failed to make it a "technical" one. Guess it isn't in my musical blood to do something really mad for my standards.

Again, I've learnt quite a bit in recording this new track, so hopefully all goes well.

Also, I've taken a break from songwriting, due to the health-restoration bit, which isn't cool at all. I have to really jump into a lot of songwriting to really get the album up and running. And 3 weeks just went.. JUST like that.

Totally uncool at all.

I always knew that time is something that isn't meant to be wasted. I get very conscious on what's really going on around me every single day if I'm off or something, I tend to fully utilise that specifically given time for a certain .. objective.

And that is for music.

Today, Plan B for my achievements have begun. I always had this theory or fact about myself, and if I were to get too involved in music, I'd fail in maintaining relationships.

I'm not pointing this out to you, by the way.

In a sense that I'd neglect those around me - of friends and family. And that void is growing bigger as the day passes. Every single time I sit down with either the Fireman or the Strat, I have more reasons to not talk to anybody at all.

And this affects my language I use to communicate towards others. I won't be surprised one day that if I lost the ability to speak properly. I know I can write, but to speak, that would be a talent I'll never be able to achieve.

There are plenty of things I've done wrong. I thought I'd take huge risks, but I end up fooling myself with all these ..idiotic ideas.

But to the extent of feeling used, disappointed and all that, just makes me branch off from being myself.

Also, I did write a song. Probably the most emotional song I've ever written, and I'm glad that I did. It shows that I once felt whatever I needed to feel, and after what I've felt what I needed to, life isn't a bed of roses.

Nothing works like how it does in the movies, or how you plan it. If you're planning something and if you're working with someone else, it's always the opposite party that has an effect on what your desired outcomes are.

I'm glad things didn't turn out fine, but I'm glad that I'm smiling.





Rock n' Roll!

Onwards.. then Forgotten.

The title itself proves that one does not have any willpower to move on in certain aspects in life.

It's also the title of the upcoming song I'm working on, which is probably the most mathematical and confusing piece I've ever written in a single key.

It's all based on feelings, and after I found out what the automation/time signature change button does, I'm finally unleashing all sorts of rhythmic nonsense that made me thought I was wrong as I did not follow a generic metronome.

Not forgetting that a metronome is always in 4/4. I didn't know anything about time, until recently. Took me about 9 years to realise that. Bad?

I'm also on the verge of scrapping the whole idea out because it'll take too long to complete, but if I finish this song, I think it'd be the greatest achievement I've ever done so far with this life of mine in music.

On another note, I also realised that it's a talent to have a vision in music - and improving on how a basic structure of a piece should sound. I never believed in the comments I received from musician-friends and friends who doesn't understand music as in depth as some of us do, but..

I always felt like I'm new to this. Every single note, and chord progression I've written and all sorts of writing, is always different to one another. Of course, there might be a similarity in terms of chord numbers (e.g. 1 5 6 4 and all that?), but..

I don't know. It's hard to explain. As long as the music fits, the right tone is achieved, I should just shut up and do whatever I feel like doing.

But I feel I've been slacking off and taking it easy. Working, finding a job, getting deadlines for music sorted out, all this is starting to get to me. Moreover, to top it off with emotions, I think I have finally begun to lose it.

I feel like.. What I'm doing will lead me to nowhere, and that, in everybody's life, is a real tragedy. I haven't experienced it yet, but if I do, it isn't going to be good at all.








And I wish.. somehow, I just wish.. for things to be alright. Even for the better or the worse, I'll be alright once the truth unfolds. This is probably the toughest stage of my life so far, and I am pretty unsure how more can I hold on.