My Only Question.

My only question is.. Why.

It's beginning to hurt, and I have never felt this way in a very long time.

Perhaps, the mind has thought too much.

Realisation.

I realised that my only true enemy in life, is my own thoughts that lurk in my mind.

Sometimes, it has been my companion that pushes me forwards and not be a potato couch. Moreover, thoughts overrule what we really have in mind.

Sadly, my thoughts are usually against reality in the most negative way, or perhaps I haven't seen the true light in certain aspects.

If only one can open up the future to see what lies in it on all aspects, it would really ease some of the uncertainties in life I have.

For my case, my mistakes in the past are the cause of the present situations that I am undergoing.

I guess the most I can do is just to sit, and hope, that all shall turn out well. Only time, for my case, shall tell.

On another note, the album preparation looks good so far. Just that I have to spend a lot of time songwriting. I have enrolled in Paul Gilbert's latest online school of rock, and it's a great tool to assist any aspiring guitarists, or anyone who just picked the instrument up out of sheer curiousity. Even I relearnt the basics, and that's a really good thing to be aware of.

Other than that, life is just a plain cycle. I need more excitement in some points. Or not.

I just want to know the truth.

Only time shall tell.

Rest in Peace, Alda Evan Tan.

Talk about being away from blogs. Just as I wrote on how I felt recently, I received sad news as I was on break at work this morning.

2012 has been a very sad year for my musical soul.

On the 2nd of April 2012, Din of Art Tune passed on. A truly humble, and great musician/guitarist/guitar technician. Today, after 2 months of hard battle with a coma, his soul finally rest in peace.

Although I did not really know him well, and if I was given the chance (and time) to get to know him better, we would have been good friends through music, and I would have progressed quicker and understood songwriting even more. He always had a lot of support, and the kindest words to say, and was always curious on whatever that was trending.

It's sad to see such a talented young (REALLY young) mind to put to rest.

It was just an hour's jamming session with him, another guitarist (Collin Chin - an amazing songwriter!), Moe Nasrul and my ex drummer, Joshua Tan, made me realise so much about dynamics. I was clearly paying attention to the way and style that Alda played. It was the first time I ever laid my eyes on a funk/jazz bassist who's into rock.

And I've carried those thoughts with me until late last year, when I started writing songs. Having the ear to ensure that nothing sounds stale, and exciting, adding space, coordination, the element of surprise, and most importantly, whatever sounds good to the ears.

And we remember him for what he does, and who he is. His case is not severe as Buddy Bolden, who had no documents or evidence of him doing Jazz music and him sounding that good. But it's situations like these that makes me realise that producing your own music, if you can, is a benefit.

Not for yourself, but for music enthusiasts to find out who you are, or who you once were.

Alda found out I was doing recordings and offered to do a bass track on one of my songs, Faith.

Now he's gone. Lord knows what he would've done to make it sound better.



Rest in peace, Alda. You will be rememebered, always. Thank you for minor details that I expanded on. I really appreciate it.

The Urge To Write.

So, that completes another chapter in my life. I assume this will be a long post due to my inactivity and updates.

I am unofficially a graduate with a Bachelors in Business, with a Finance major from the University of Tasmania 2012. It's a really cool feeling..

Or not. When I graduated with a Diploma in Business Accountancy, I felt nothing. Now that I completed a another paper qualification and I feel emptier.

Odd, isn't it? I guess a job's a job.

And because I feel very empty about it, that's all I have to say about this qualification. It would only be useful if I got myself a .. well, job with it.

Things here in Australia, on the other hand, has been interesting. It's definitely a mixture of love and hatred. A balance of yin and yang, so I can't say much about it. And looking back at Malaysia, I really wonder how I ever grew up in a place like that without.. getting injured or robbed due to the current trends of theft and robbery. It is pretty painful to watch a country like that turn into something I could never ever imagined. Moreover, I get worried for those really close to me in that place.

But Australia has a very strong currency, with ridiculous taxes over items based on cost prices, and is known to be one of the most expensive places to live in the world.

Cool.

Music, on the other hand, has been gradually growing inside of me. If I must, I would like to thank music for all its training and understanding to help me pass a few of my finals last August - November 2011. I kid you not about this.

And music, makes me understand general art better instead of being an unappreciative prejudice turd. When someone talks to me about their hobbies that relates to art, I cannot help myself but to understand their expressions in their own fields. I find this pretty amazing.

Also, I have a huge surprise that should take place by the end of this year if all goes well. Stay tuned!

Oh, and besides the Fender Stratocaster I bought in November 2010, I have the Ibanez Fireman within my hands too, and it is TRULY a great guitar!

And the new things that I learn every single day through music, and in music, is truly rewarding. It keeps my mind at peace even though I may be in the worst position in life, ever. But the urge to complain is absent, which is truly great.

I still have hopes up for anything good presented to me, so I hope this optimism will last until I decide to give up.

Which I doubt it will be.

Now, over the years, I have realised that expressing myself publicly is annoying to myself. I trouble others by allowing them to read what is on my mind and thoughts, and if it's negative, you never know how one's negativity may affect another's lifestyle.

And love. Love is ever confusing. I know that this warm fuzzy feeling I feel in my heart every day is extreme passion I get by writing, composing, recording, arranging and playing music. But no matter how much I get such passion from such activities, it will never replace the unconditional feelings you give and receive from another individual.

Let it be the same or opposite gender, you can never be one with the whole universe without this intense and amazing emotion.

I may have found it again. And it took me years to realise that nobody is perfect. Sure, I admit I have said that many times, but walking the talk is a whole different concept. The whole point to be in a relationship, is to find a future within each other, not because this warm fuzzy feeling inside you tells you that you should be with this person only because this person touches you with an appearance or a personality.

And when I mentioned years, I meant years I was blind for. It's like breathing - it's passive and underrated. But if you were to be tossed into the ocean, breathing will save your life - provided if you don't breathe underwater.

I took things for granted. And if I never thought this much, I would have taken more things tossed my way for granted as well. I realised that being blind for this long, led me to another beautiful world of emotions and understanding - where all negativity transforms to a thought of that it could have only been worse.

It's a little bit too late to say this. But I decided to hold on this time. You've held on for years, and it must have been painful. It was words like these from this place that hurt you (or shocked you) in the first place, so I have decided to not take it from where we left off, but to start over again.

In fact, I'd like to know more about you.

It's a little bit too late, but this time, I'm holding on to. And every time I switch on my Mac, your messages are displayed on one of my startup applications, stating..

Always did (held on), and always will.

Talk about reminders. This is a good one.

And like every other thing I've said so far, this is going to be the generic love movie, and I'm pretty damn sure that you're the one.

I'm looking forward to the future. It's scary, and exciting at the same time.

.. Thank you for making me feel alive again. More importantly, thank you for making me human - to love another individual unconditionally.