Monday, June 13, 2011

Streams of the Unknown.

Sometimes when you put in too much input, you get nothing in return. There's only a handful that really kick you in the places you expect, and sometimes, when you least expect it. But most of the time, nobody really bothers to kick you back. Regardless if it's on the face, stomach, trying to break your ribs, and plenty of other things.

But sometimes, when nobody's there to give you a good kick, it makes you wonder if you've lost everybody, or you've lost yourself?

Some questions are meant to be unanswered. And most answers are meant to be unquestioned.

I've taken a risk; I took a really good jump.

But this, is one of those times, where I actually regret bits and pieces of it. It's like I finally landed flat on my face, and I understand how it is like to be a failure when it comes to accepting facts and decisions.

It's problems like these that made me rant out as much as I want to. But ranting it out, doing what I do, being who I am today, performed divisions to worlds unexpectedly.

Not like I wanted this to happen, but I am not the controller of fate.

It feels like I've lost everything up to this point. Perhaps karma for not appreciating the finer things in life. Sooner or later, I'm going to look back and regret everything I have done.

Perhaps, to not accept myself for who I am was always the first problem. This leads to plenty of other issues.

It's hard, really. You know what's going on with the world, but the world won't look back on what you've achieved.

And it's through rants like these that allows others to distance themselves from one another. Regardless if it's distance from me, or distance from the rest.

It's been six months that I've been floating around like a specter. A wandering soul, that is lost endlessly in all streams that leads to life.

Some find it easy in life, some find it challenging.

But really, this is not what I want.

Maybe one day, I will regret how this day will change my life forever. Or maybe not. I've made promises to others before, but I haven't done one for myself.

I promise myself to be a musician, the guitarist that I am, who lost his heart to all of the instruments around him.

A puppet with a soul, yet without a heart.

It's not too late to really kick start this year for myself.

If someone can give me a birthday gift, please give me time as it's the most valuable thing in this world.

And I'm sick of relationships, the whole issue with feeling love, and getting yourself in and out of everything. Maybe you're the one reading this, or not. You're always welcomed to read what I write. More importantly, I can pretty much fuck off because I really can't be bothered what happens to anything around me.

Bona fide.

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