A New Experience.

Today, as you know, I mengamuk'ed and merajuk'ed at my scheduling manager for stuffing me at The Curve for Wesak's Day.

But honestly, the environment there is better. Except that the bar was kind of .. small.. It's hard to move about and all.

And the best thing is, instead of listening to the usual Starbucks music, there was a pub in front of us, and damn! The band there was playing Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix.. My all time favourite, then Van Halen's Jump .. and then Hotel California by The Eagles.. and ... and..

It really put me in the mood to work.. Although I was kind of slow .. I could've done better over experience.. But..damn, I guess I'm not prepared to handle a busy store.. Had a brief shot at it. Honestly, I nearly died.







But all was over when I kept on listening to ... Worthwhile, reviewing its mistakes, flaws, and getting more ideas of what to put in the near future..





Still in the arrangement stage, and there will be no preview for this song until ... Well, I feel like it.. XD

Progression.

It is beautiful.

Because of the glorious blessing of my internet connection being down at the moment, I actually sat down and started working on Propellerhead Reason 4.0, and started searching for the right sounds.

The right instruments.

Although the thing that puts me off is that I still don’t have a proper keyboard to sit down with and to hit the notes, instead of clicking them into Propellerhead Reason, but.. Whatever. My inspirations came in at the wrong timing, once again.

Then I switched off the fluorescent light in my room, and switched on the evening sun, as what I would call it, and it put me in the perfect mood.

With the light shining over the screen, over my progress, over my soon-to-be masterpiece, it really put me in that ambience. That emotional ambience. That perfect feeling to be in touch with nobody, but myself.

Digging into myself, asking myself questions of another language:

What do you wish to speak? What are you thinking? What comes across your mind, NOW? What are you thinking? Is this a sad thought? Is this a liberating thought? Is this a..

And all that, written into a bar. Not even writing with a normal pen or pencil, but musical notes.








Yes, I have finally sat down, and I'm working on the instrumental version for Worthwhile. I might be recording vocals over it, but.. I will consider upon the results.







Oh.. my ... God..








It..sounds so beautiful............................................................................









I found my sanctuary for the moment... And.... and... I'm in another universe..

Do You Remember..?

I always have random thoughts about people. This time, it's back to you.

Just..Another Day.

And so, another well day spent. I think.

Currently listening to: Dream Theater - Another Day

"Live another day, climb a little higher;
Find another reason to stay .."

I'm not one of those people who would even try and commit suicide over something else because I've always got many other reasons to live to another day.

It does not seem vague, nor are my visions are cloudy regarding the future. With or without you, I'll still have a part of you with me -and you know that.

One way or the other, we know we'll come up crying to each other.

And.. that power to bring smiles to the face of others..

I remember my blood-unrelated sister told me once that I always had a gift - and that is to bring a smile to the face of others when they're seriously.. lost.

Unfortunately, she's right. I can bring smiles to others - but sometimes, I can never bring myself to smile.

It's interesting. Sacrificing oneself for others. But while doing so, it rewards yourself with a good pat on your back, somehow.

Random shots:

Another lonely lunch. Like usual.. Wait a minute..that doesn't seem right!

.. There! Knowing you were once by my side, things didn't turn out so bad..

I made a sweet-chocolate mess at the bar just now. By accident, or purpose, that would be based on your judging :)

I brought home extra supper, only because I thought of you.







Well, now that I know what's the situation like, it depends, really. I don't want my decision to take place to affect our lives, but I want you to decide. At the end of the day, the result is the same..

.. Having the ability to see you smile; instead of you frowning.. or to be in tears. That has always been my goal, or vision, when I'm with someone else, or when I'm seriously advicing someone else, anyways.

It may sound noble; but I've always lived to this principle: It doesn't matter if it has to be me that makes an individual happy.

But, for you, it was different.

I felt your sadness.
I felt your smile.
I felt your emotions.
I felt your love.
I felt what you felt.
I felt your care towards.. me.
I felt.. you.

Like the coconut tree, we're seperated by a bridge, and a sea. Lol

Honestly, I've never felt this way before. It's great to feel it again, and to think how beautiful life can be; when you're with someone else.

Waking up to the days, those glorious mornings where you know you have someone who'll smile for you when they're up.

.. When you're down, they'll smile for you.

And best of all, they'll appreciate you for who you .. are. Every little bit, not only.. a few.

One problem I had - the status of being a performer/musician/the guitarist of the fusion party 2005 ..






So if it's him you want, tell me, because you're still clinging onto him from what I see. Go ahead, and make your daddy proud. :)

And maybe.. I should take my steps back soon. At least being two steps behind is better than none, somehow...............................









.... or is it? I'd rather be gone at this point.






The urge is getting stronger.. and stronger.. It's wrong..but........

Once A Guardian, Always A Guardian.

It's about time I've set my mind straight.

Currently listening to: Dream Theater - Hollow Years

I keep on forgetting that I've set up a metaphor in my life: "When you're left hanging onto a cliff, it's either you let go, or you pull yourself up. Never ever hold on."

And they say love is blind. Somehow, it has both blinded and nullified my feelings at the moment. I'm not sure if I've fallen, left hanging, or I've pulled myself up.

So, where do I stand? I have no idea. I'm just waiting for answers, I guess.

I can only see 200m ahead of whatever that's been planned out for me as the day passes. Only through the passings of an unlimited amount of tomorrow's, I will be able to see what's planned for me.

Along the way, I have you by my side. To be a guardian, a father, or a soulmate, that does not matter.

After all, I am a friend's friend. I admit that I am a bad boyfriend at times.






But if you wish to hop on my back, as you watch me move along, you're welcome aboard anytime, any day, and at any year.






For 4 years, you've randomly came up to me for help, and never did I once turn you down in terms of advice. That shall stay the same, child.

Until this point, it shall not be misunderstood that whatever I've said before is for the better or the worse for any of the individual involved, but just a a brighter light for you to see clearly in what's right for yourself.

It took me quite a while, but I've learnt it through the recent breakup I've experienced, that happiness is the ultimate point in an individual - regardless upon the individual's condition in life.

I've always been happy because I have naturally linked myself towards the beauty of music. Never I let aggressive music let my mood swing, but allowing it to make me smile, and to instantly power me to whatever I do.

I'm still very confused about how I've linked myself to music, and how it has affected me, but I know that it's constantly strengthening me as long as I listen to beautifully composed/arranged melodies. It's .. a beautiful language.






I would still bleed for you, anyway. Until the sun shines, again, I've got a Nokia 2100 that has a torchlight to light my path way to wherever I need to go.






I can never say this to you, but I can always type out my thoughts on the keyboard, and through SMSes. I can never personally advice someone on the phone or in person, because I get tongue tied very easily. Lol.

As long as YOU'RE happy. Smile, mmkay? :)

You have an emotion link to me besides music, too. Whenever you smile through my words, I can feel you smile. Whenever you cry, I sense a disturbance in the force itself. Lol.






Semester break in the end of May. Should I go back again, or should I not..? Hmmm..








Mmm.. You confuse me, but you heavily inspire me with your ideas.. What goes through your mind when you think of those compositions..?

[Poem] While I Wait

Whisper; the thoughts that crosses your mind.
Sing dramatically; on how a song makes you feel.
Thoughts; they kill, so close your eyes, though the enemy is time.
Seek; the emotions you truly feel.

Feel; what comes to you.
See; where you can walk.
Breathe; when you’re not asked to.
Be free; so you can voice out your thoughts.

Fly; as far as your wings can take you.
Fall; and I will be ready to catch you.
Hurt; would only be a fault of mine.
Tears; shall be the element to bring me home.

I see; a path where I can go.
But I see; an unlit path, where fairy tales exists.
I sit here; where I’m supposed to go.
I sit here; waiting for you, while I bleed.





The human thought is my main enemy at times. That’s why I never bother to use them or let them interfere with my ready-made decisions.

I wonder, what happened to the childish old days we used to pounce on each other? Was it my fault for not giving you more attention, or speaking of the wrong words?

Or it was my fault because I did go through a change of seasons when something drastic changed my life. The more hurt I get, the more trust I lose in the people around me.

Maybe I laid the wrong cards out.

I know that things never come easy. But for you, I’ll try to work hard for it.

Or ........?




Random songs:

---
Sick and weak from my condition,
This lust; this vampyric addiction,
To her alone, in full submission.
None better, nymphetamine.
---
Whatever you do, I'll be two steps behind you.
Wherever you go, and I'll be there to remind you.
That it only takes a minute of your precious time, to turn around;
And I'll be two steps behind.
---
I'm learning all about my life, by looking through her eyes.
---
Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door
---
Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand (into the waves)
Walk me across the water,
and maybe you'll understand.

Once the stone you're crawling under,
is lifted off your shoulders.
Once the cloud that's raining over your head disappears,
the noise that you hear,
is the crashing down of hollow years.
---
I am mesmerised by who you are.
And I'll watch over you, from afar...
---





Another day for college, and work. And for you.

Pouring Out Some .. Thoughts.

Sometimes, the decisions we do, are we even supposed to regret whatever decisions we make?

I don't think so. Once what we write, has been written. We can only keep on writing words that'll fit the previous words that you have already written. There's no such thing as turning back time, or whatever it is.

But, what if someone comes by and just scribbles nonsensical words for you in a distance?






... Why?






Maybe I shouldn't have said a word. I should have walked along the path I've planned alone.

.. Or should I not?

Now I'm confused.

Sometimes..

It's interesting to know the number of personalities that exists in this world. And how they would affect an individual's current situation or condition. With just a simple move, the future suffers from a drastic change.

I now know my weakness. And that is to be emotionally weak. And somehow, I always thought of myself as a classic person. Classic, meaning to say that, I would stay loyal through the rainy days. The sort of person who wouldn't grumble under an umbrella when it rains heavily while waiting for someone else.

The type of person who would say, I love you, and would mean it, even if it's repeated countless times.

Being raised under my roof, I was taught to be patient to achieve whatever I want. And through friends, and inspirations, I've managed to strengthen my patience. Especially after knowing of The Secret, I managed to strengthen it drastically.

I just don't know at times.

I feel odd, and funny. Rather abnormal at the moment. I feel happy that someone matures and knows of what to do. At the same time, I ask myself, why don't I feel hurt? Or pain? Or any other negative reinforcements?

As long as it never affects me, I would never ask myself that question. It's these small thoughts that troubles our daily routine. If it doesn't really affect us, we should put it aside, and experiment it another day.

For now, I'm a little bit lost without you. It sounds a little bit too quickly, but I believe that time will allow us to know each other better.

I do have a life. And I'm still going to walk on. I have no support because I am here. Nobody's going to shout at me to get to college, or to drop me off at work. It's my own responsibility to do all these.

.. That's why I have to treat everyday the same. And until the day comes, I shall see my life, with you by my side...







.. And through your eyes.







I'm a little bit complicated. That's what I think. But I like to throw away my brains, poison my customer's drinks, and go along with how I feel with my heart.

After all, that is the beauty of life - to feel, with a heart.

Bliss.

Especially when you wake up, and she's awake too..


Really makes my day, when today's day at work is going to be really horrible .. There're going to be a thousand and one customers entering Starbucks today.. I hope to keep my cool though. Wheee.

Then I shall rejoice with a good meal of Nando's at One Utama.. If I don't forget -.- .. hohohoho..





Kisses for you, sweetie.

Immortalising A Moment.

Pictures may speak a thousand words, but I believe that pictures exists for us to capture the moments we do not wish to let go of ..



Me likey likey bonding sessions with her. :)

I miss you.

It's These Simple Things..

She was definitely bored in classs. I don't know how, or where, or what sort of textbook that exists in this world, but getting stressed out at work, being extremely tensed up, all goes away when I see her messages.


She's sweet. Now I understand that it's the simpler things in life that makes it interesting, worthwhile to live, and to wait for. At that point, death isn't a option to be feared of.

Till death do us part..?

Hmmm ..



This really made my day. Made me wanted to get out of work as soon as I could, so that I could see her again.

.. And I managed to :)


It's those simple things that you do, say, and show that makes me smile. Even watching you smile - or laugh at my dumb mistakes - makes me feel happy.

But because of my current lifestyle, i'm sorry for not fulfilling whatever it is that you require for the moment.. especially when you need me there.. :(

I'm sorry ..

But at the end of the day, after work, me still wuvs youze!

Random Updates.

These few days, it has been really hectic. It is because of the mid terms, work, and... facebook itself that keeps me awake.

I'm officially like a walking zombie now.

Anyways, it's pretty cool that as you grow, the world eventually gets smaller. If you tell that to a 5-year old child, s/he would say that the world's shit big. But now, I do see what's the meaning when they say "what a small world".

I just met up with my brother's long-term best friend (Surprised?), Kris Khaira, last night, and I never knew that he's been bunking in with my friend's friend after all these..months, I guess?

It's insane. I managed to sit down, and really see another side of them; besides being the one that plays a lot and does business, but they got into serious conversations about how... some things were screwed up.

It's good to know; reminds me of another friend of mine, these people. Interesting conversations took place, but I was worn out to pay attention due to work.

In fact, I'm still experiencing some fatigue at the moment as this is being written out for the heck of it.





But when you open your eyes, seeing a few thousand messages, that brings you a smile to start off the day. Not only that, but seeing this:


.. It takes away every existing pain, and it makes you want to push yourself beyond the limit by another mile, when you know someone out there is waiting for you :)

Hi sweetie! I love you :)

Please do not lecture me when I'm supposed to be sleeping. Heh heh.